Someone for Everyone?
by The Shiny Sword
Summary: So there's this Doctor. And his name is Jail. And he's got this evil plot. But fate, no not that one, has other things in store. In the grocery store to be specific. Jail and the Numbers centric humor Fic
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I do not own MGLN. If I did it would be renamed MBLZ, with a spin off Happy Scaglietti Family Funtime Happy Hour. Just for the lulz.

**Someone for Everyone?**

**Chapter 1**

**"The Beginning is Often Riddled With False Starts."**

**Or**

**"In Which Many Readers Double-Take."**

**Or **

**"In Which the Author is Told to Just 'Get on with it'."  
**

Low lighting was said to be dangerous on one's eyes, most definitely not ideal for careful work. Yet, Jail Scaglietti only lit up his study (this room, unlike his numerous laboratories was just for him and not any of his creations) with a single, lonesome and quite dim, lamp. He sat at his desk, not minding that every moment spent scribbling on a piece of paper was slowly causing decay to his eyeballs. He liked glasses anyway.

Jail was in the midst of "very important business". None of the numbers, several of whom were posed around the door, their ears and eyes at the crack where they could only see his hunched form, had any clue what he did in there except run through a lot of paper. All they knew was Jail was not to be disturbed when he was in there, as Uno had warned them. She was the only number who'd ever entered there.

Wendi theorized that he spent his time writing romance novels. The theory might have been sound had she not insisted they had to be romance novels. Nove had been quick to point out the fact the idea of the Doctor writing a romance novel was not only ridiculous but impossible. After all the Doctor had no such experience... as far as they were aware.

That was why numbers VI, IX, X (having been dragged there) and XI were gathered around the door. They couldn't actually hear or see much of anything. But Sein had proposed a new theory, and that was what they were trying to find truth to. She suggested that perhaps the Doctor was... writing love letters.

It seemed possible enough. He was a young (they guessed, no one actually knew the doctors' age), handsome (okay so they didn't have much experience with too many other men), and mostly, probably, kinda sane guy. The idea that he had a girlfriend off somewhere wasn't too unlikely...

No, that was a lie. It was as unlikely as the romance novels.

"I can't see the Doctor involved in any such relationship," Deici spoke bluntly, never one to use one more word than necessary. She stood off to the side. The taciturn Number wasn't there by choice but rather by force, though it wasn't like she had anything better to do.

"Aww~ you're no fun," Wendi pouted and wiggled closer to the door, hoping to hear a wistful sigh or something of the sort. "It's so romantic. The lonesome scientist, holed up in his lab~ thinking the whole time of his one true love."

"It's ridiculous," Nove scoffed, "besides, the doctor has us. He doesn't need another woman."

"Well there are just some kind of things the Doctor can't get from us," Sein smiled mischievously then giggling at the sight of her sisters' confused faces. "You know lik-"

"Ahem."

The four younger numbers all snapped to attention, pretending that they most definitely had not been spying on Jail.

"T-Tre-nee-sama, Cinque-nee-sama."

"It's good to see you all so lively," Cinque scratched her neck, eying them all suspiciously but not without humor, "but really... what exactly do you lot think you're doing?"

"..." Not a single one of them could come up with a suitable answer.

Fortunately they were spared from having to.

Jail's door slid open, the man himself standing in the doorway. If the mangy purple haired man found it odd that half of his Numbers were outside his door he didn't let it show. Instead he stuffed something in his pocket and started walking down the hall, seemingly ignoring his creations until he called back, "I'm headed out for a while, just relax." With a lazy wave their mysterious master disappeared down the hall.

"Wow," Wendi watched the space where he'd been, "I guess the Doctor must have been doing something super important."

...

...

Jail pulled the piece of scrap from his pocket, looking it over as he went to his giant, for there needed to be as much room as possible car. "Milk, Sugar, Apples, Motor Oil, Tea..."

* * *

This was nice. Relaxing really. Uno was always trying to help relieve Jail's stress. Whether she was trying to give him a massage or draw up a warm bath, it seemed she thought it was her responsibility. It was a pity none of those things really worked. But Jail had found his relief. He'd found it in the brightly lit aisles of the nearest super market. There was something therapeutic about the rap rap rap of the carts wheels against the tiled floor.

Of course it was incredibly risky for a high profile criminal to go waltzing around the supermarket. He'd already just barely escaped capture from three different grocery stores. The fact that he never bothered to change out of his lab coat didn't help. Uno had told him not to risk it but Jail felt no real fear.

This was a new grocery store for him. As a result he wasn't quite sure where anything was. It didn't help that the store was one of those places that really put the SUPER in supermarket. He could easily get lost there and he did. Jail spent a good twenty minutes in the cereal aisle wondering if he should buy the giant box of Flix, or the variety pack of three different types.

It took Jail a good three hours to get through his list, mostly because of his tendency to be indecisive when it came to a good sale. If pasta was on sale for 2 for 2$ he'd be sure to buy twenty, he had a big family to feed after all. By the end of those three hours he had not one but two carts worth of supplies. Perfect. He waited patiently in line, flipping through a trashy rag, a guilty pleasure of his. Apparently there was some sort of story about some "Aces' love dodecahedron" Jail couldn't imagine such a thing could exist but curiosity made him throw the magazine in.

The scientist piled his groceries onto the conveyor belt, there were quite a few of them so he ended up stacking. He paid without even looking up, it was best to meet the eyes of as few people as possible. Jail's total was less then he'd expected, the skill of his sale-fu was stronger then he'd thought. He was almost done when something hit his ear.

In a voice so small, so soft had there been any other noise it would have been drowned out. "Would you like paper or plastic sir?"

**Baa-dum.**

Never in his life had there been a moment Jail hadn't been thinking. Even in his dreams he was always plotting and planning. It wasn't his fault really. It was a side effect of his infinite greed, he eternally thought of ways to get more and more and more but- for the first time. His brain shut down.

**Baa-dum.**

Completely and totally. It just ceased function. It was a simple question. Two options. Paper or Plastic? Both options would result in the same end result Jail taking his groceries back to his secret hideout.

**Baa-dum.**

But his brain couldn't form an answer. He looked up at the questioner, the bagger, his mouth opening and closing like a dying fish for what seemed an eternity.

**Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum.**

She was absolutely nothing like any of his Combat Cyborgs. That was the first cognitive thought that entered his head. It had nothing to do with the question still hanging in the air, paper or plastic. No, the first thought in his head was about _her_. She was smaller then any of his creations. Save for Cinque but he didn't count Cinque. This woman was definitely a woman, unlike Cinque who, as he'd apologized for many times, would never quite breach what was accepted as childhood.

**Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum.**

Maria. The girl's name tag read Maria. Jail estimated she was slightly less than five feet tall. Her hair was brown with just a tinge of red. Longish, reaching her just past her shoulder. She was Mid-Childian by birth, judging by her physical characteristics. Likely from the so- Wait. What was he doing? Why did he suddenly start profiling her?

**Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum.  
**

And what on Mid was wrong with his heart rate? It was going wild. His palms were starting to sweat as well and he suddenly became conscious of the fact he hadn't washed his hair in a week. As a matter of fact he couldn't remember when he'd last showered. Jail was filled with the urge to hide away, or alternately run.

**Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum.**

"Sir? Paper or plastic?" She repeated her question, had Jail looked closer he would have seen a twinge of concern on her face, aimed at the man seemingly hitting a mental brick wall.

**Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum.**

"PRALASTIPER!" Jail blurted out, having no clue at all what he was saying. There were two options and he'd taken a third.

"Okay," and she promptly started to put his groceries in paper sacks the put those sacks in plastic ones. When she was finally done, it took quite a while, she finished with a, "Have a nice day." Her smile radiated with the intensity of a thousand chemical explosions.

**Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum Baa-dum.**

Jail drove home faster then he ever had before.

* * *

"UNO!" After unloading his groceries with a speed previously unbeknownst to him, he'd research that later, the scientist stomped through his base, searching for his second in command.

"Yes sir?" Uno looked up from the book she had been reading, she didn't have time to even put in a bookmark before Jail dragged her off to his quarters leaving a ten confuzzled mechanical girls in his wake.

Jail collapsed in his chair then looked up at Uno with a solemn expression. "Uno, I am very ill." This was a serious issue, clones could always take his place but Jail was in no hurry to die if it could be prevented. His illness would competely change their plans. They'd just failed to obtain the young Kaiser clone but retrieving her would have to be completely put off.

Concerned entered Uno's face, "What? Doctor how? What are your symptoms?"

Jail looked grim, he didn't want to frighten his reverse gender clone but he had no choice but to be honest. "Elevated heart rate. Sudden perspiration. Instant loss of cognitive function."

The concern started to float away, replaced by an almost... amused expression. Jail was taken aback. This was serious! He was potentially dying of something nasty and dangerous. "And what brought on your... illness?"

The doctor stroked his chin, "that's the thing. Nothing really. It was completely spontaneous. This girl asked me if I wanted paper or plastic. And then... my mind went blank and my heart started going crazy."

"...girl?"

"Small, probably twenty, twenty one. Brunette, trace of red. Tiny, worn hands. Funny little scar on her cheek, wearing just a touch of eyeshadow-"

Uno blinked, "You remembered all that?" This was coming from the man who weekly "forgot" to put his laundry in the basket. Then she started giggling.

Jail was taken aback. He couldn't remember Uno... giggling... ever. And he remembered a lot about Uno. "Well? What is it? What do you suppose I've got?"

"Doctor," Her giggle fit ended but her smile didn't, if anything else it grew. "I think you're just a tad in love."

"Oh, I'm in love. That makes sense." Pleased with that explanation and with the fact he was, in fact, not dying Jail spun his chair around to go to work at his desk. It was much better not to be dying. Silly Jail, mistaking love for a deadly disease. … Wait a minute. Then it hit him. The reality of what he had just said.

"I'm in WHAT?!?!?"

* * *

A/N: So I'm listening to some Jonathan Coulton and the song Skullcrusher Mountain came on. And so I lol'd then replayed the song, and replayed the song and played it for my mom, and my dad, and all my friends, and then my dog (I think he liked it) and finally my cat (I think she didn't). Along the way, an idea came to me. A simple cracky idea "Jail sure would be adorable if he fell in love".

Jail's always bothered me. Of all the Nanoha villians he's the most sterotypically mauha ha I'm evil. That bugs me. So I'm exploring Jail, through lulz and love. Because I can. What you just read was originally a cracky one off for the AnimeSuki Nanoha fanfiction forum. Requests for a sequel then came. And then it grew.

And grew.

It's currently at 8 parts and still going. I'm slowly uploading an updated version here. As I learn what the plot is as I go along I'm able to update the earlier parts accordingly. If you want faster updates and the lastest parts please check out AS.

Please Read and Review :D.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I do not own MGLN that should be obvious based on the lack of lulz in the second half of strikers.

* * *

**Someone For Everyone?**

**Chapter 2**

**"Unique Gathering Techniques Tend to Lead to Cliched Ends"  
**

**Or**

**"In Which the Readers Wonder Who Has All Those Shoujo Mangas"**

**Or**

**"Part 2 Which Follows Part 1"  
**

This was a troubling predicament. It had been three days, three whole twenty four hour periods adding up to a total of seventy two hours, since anyone, aside from Uno, had actually seen the Doctor. He'd holed up in his study, taking even his meals in there. That alone was odd, after all, it was the Doctor who'd pressed the importance of family meals upon all of them. However, it was the fact that the Doctor hadn't taken in any sort of materials with him that truly bugged Cinque.

In all the years she'd known her creator, he'd only ever camped out in there if he was on to something. So, what was up with him now? Cinque wouldn't admit it but she was, in fact, worried. Though maybe not as much as Quattro, who'd taken to staring at the doorway longingly, like a lonely puppy waiting for its master to come home. Uno seemed to know something but her lips were sealed. Due still wasn't back from her long term mission. And as for Tre, well, expecting Tre to actually vocalize or show what she was feeling was really rather silly.

The younger sisters, on the other hand, didn't seem perturbed in the least. Rather they were glad for a break. They'd been in heavy preparation for the mission to come since what seemed like forever and it was like a mini-vacation for them, not that they didn't get plenty off them. Sette had wandered off to train more, not unusual for the 7th sister but still bothersome to Cinque. She'd prefer Sette to be as noisy as Wendi rather then her emotionless state. Dieci, Otto and Deed might have all been taciturn as hell but at least they felt _something. _

Cinque sipped her tea, it was becoming something of an addiction. There were worse substances to love perhaps. Though, she'd heard the Saint Church ran up an astounding tea bill every year. Drinking by oneself was lonesome though, Tre sometimes joined in but that was rare. Cinque looked around the room, equivalent to what would have been, in a normal family, the living room. Though she wanted to ask them to join it was difficult picturing any of the girls in the room drinking tea.

"Cinque-nee~~" Wendi popped up beside Cinque that perpetual smile of hers plastered across her face. "Come play!"

"Play?" Cinque craned her neck back. It seemed the game of choice was Dress-Up-Dieci. Sein was in the middle of cramming what seemed to be a maid outfit of some sort on the tenth number, while Nove stood off to the side seemingly torn between stopping Sein and taking pictures. "Ah I see."

Cinque was about to go into a why-we-don't-use-our-sisters-as-dolls speech when the room's door slid open (as sliding doors tend to do).

Jail Scaglietti looked like he hadn't slept at all the past three days. The bags under his eyes had bags under them. His long, gangly hair was greasier then usual, and he had the beginnings of a purple beard going on.

"Doctor!" Quattro sprung up instantly going into bubbly henchwoman mode. "Have you had a breakthrough? Some new doomsday device? A new sister? Something that will make the TSAB tremble and boost the operation ahead?"

"Ah yes, the operation." Jail rubbed his stubble and thought for a moment before responding. "I've decided to cancel the operation."

"Wait. WHAT!" Quattro spat, her fake innocent girl face contorting into one of ugly confusion and anger. "You're whating the what what!"

"Doctor?" Cinque managed to stay much calmer though her confusion was just as great. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"I've been studying it intensively, going after document after document and I can only come to one conclusion." He fell quiet his serious expression deepening.

The Numbers watched him with anticipation, wondering what his conclusion could possibly be.

"Girls don't like it when you take their cities hostage."

"E-Eh?" The numbers sounded off together. They all exchanged looks, not a single one of them understood what was going on.

"Our mission objective has changed!" Jail flung out his hands in his typical dramatic fashion. "Uno!"

Uno stepped beside him, holding a large scroll of paper which she promptly unrolled. On it were the words "New Operation! Operation: True Love! Mrs. Scagletti to Be!" Written in large curly letters, Uno's handwriting, not Jail's.

Blank stares greeted the new Operation title.

"The title isn't important," Jail waved it off. "What's important is... well... um... I'm not quite sure where to go from here. I've spent days reading those comic books with the sparkly girls in them but I'm not sure what to do next."

Wendi raised her hand. "You should give her a gift! Like flowers!"

Nove's hand shot up as soon as Wendi finished,"Girls like chocolate better!"

Dieci slowly raised her own arm, "What do you know about her Doctor?"

"Her name is Maria," Jail answered proudly.

"...And?"

"She works at the grocery store."

Dieci played with her long ponytail, her expression never changing, "I think... you should get to know her first."

Jail thought over what Dieci said, then he snapped his fingers. "Of course! Cinque," He pointed to the eye patch wearing girl, "you, and uh..." He looked around the room seemingly choosing the next girls at random, "Sein, Wendi, Nove and Dicei. Come with me! The rest of you procure as many flowers and as much chocolate as you can!"

Sometimes, working for a mad scientist was a very strange thing indeed.

* * *

There were very few times, actually none in Cinque's memory, that going on a "mission" involved sitting at a little cafe eating snacks. However, it just so happened that the cafe gave a perfect view of the particular grocery store where Ms. "Maria" worked. So the six of them sat around a table, looking to the rest of the world like a very odd family, staking out the grocery store.

It was also the first time in recent memory that Cinque could recall wearing normal clothing. Blue bodysuits were a no-no when trying to be inconspicuous. It was... a nice feeling. Sitting in a public place, acting like normal people, was almost enough to help her forget that there were gears in her body, almost.

"Ah! There she goes!" Jail stood up and pointed earning the gawking stares of the other patrons. But of course it was impossible to really forget, Jail couldn't fit in even if he wanted to, for that matter how could a little girl missing an eye fit in either?

They sprung went into action. Or rather they attempted to calmly and quietly exit the cafe while Jail hung back reading a newspaper but was really secretly stealing glances at the girl who'd stolen his heart.

This was an important job, they all knew it. The doctor's heart rested on the success of their mission. Though having his cyborg children stalk the woman of his desire might not have been the _best_ plan of operation, it was the one he had chosen and they would not let him down if Cinque had anything to say about it.

Sein, with her incredible eyesight, led the pack, able to keep sight of Maria where ever she went. Close behind her were Nove and Wendi, Wendi keeping just one step in front of an infuriated Nove, trying to keep up. Dieci and Cinque brought up the rear trying to keep up the impression they were a normal group.

And so they followed her, hiding behind cars, mailboxes, other pedestrians whenever it looked like she was going to turn around. But they were learning valuable information. For instance, she had to live nearby because she walked home. From a chat with a flower shop owner they overheard (read: eavesdropped on), they learned her favorite flowers were begonias.

Still they couldn't help but get the feeling she was catching on to them. As they moved into a more deserted area she kept looking over her shoulder. Of course, she didn't see them as they were quite good at hiding themselves. Well at least Sein, Dieci and Cinque were. The moment she turned they were already hiding.

Alas, Nove and Wendi weren't. They were too caught up in their own competition, rather Nove's competition as Wendi was just having fun teasing Nove. They awkwardly stood there. Not sure what to do about the little issue they had.

"Do _something_," Nove hissed out of the corner of her mouth to Wendi.

So Wendi did something. The first thing that came to her mind. She grabbed Nove by the collar, brought her up to Wendi's level and gave her a big one. A kiss that is.

"O-oh my," Maria turned a bright and possibly unhealthy shade of red and quickly turned away and started walking very very quickly.

"Okay lovebirds cut it out," Cinque scolded and rolled out from behind a rather nice red car, looking off to the side with a blush of her own. Jeez, Wendi really got into it. Was that a tongue? Cinque swore she saw a tongue when they pulled apart.

"C-Cinque-nee it's not what it seems like," tears formed in Nove's eyes as she smacked Wendi out of the way. "She forced herself on me."

"Now now," Sein slung her arm around Wendi's neck, "You're ready to take responsibility for your actions aren't you?"

"R-responsibility?" Wendi looked bewildered.

"Oh yes, don't you know? Now that you've kissed you have to get married, the child will be coming soon." Sein nodded seriously.

"M-Married!" Wendi gagged.

"I-I," Nove sniffled and wailed, "I don't want to have Wendi's baby!"

"Sein, stop teasing them," Cinque tugged on Sein's hair. "Marriage and babies do not work like that."

"Oh, she's getting away," Dieci stepped out from behind a potted plant and pointed down the sidewalk where indeed Maria had completely vanished while they were talking.

"O-oopsie?"

They took off down the street, abandoning the inconspicuous thing for the not-getting-in-trouble-for-screwing-up thing.

* * *

"Oh no! My purse! I hope some brave handsome man who's just a bit taller then me, has longish hair and a steady job will come save me!"

"That was-" Wendi looked to her sisters who nodded in affirmative. Their search for the Doctor's first love was interrupted by said love's, strangely specific, cry for help.

They sped up, skidding to a stop at the mouth of a street where Maria was, having been shoved onto the ground by the large man running away her purse in his hand. She lay there with a... very unusual look of shock.

The girls looked at one another and decided at once what to do. They took off after him, their cyborg speed showing but their sense of justice overriding any part of them saying that maybe it wasn't a _great_ idea.

They needn't have bothered.

A blur of purple and white surpassed them in the blink of an eye.

"What do you think you're doing to an innocent young woman?" And with those words Jail Scaglietti, as the numbers realized the blur was, who they'd never seen doing any physical labor, flying kicked the thief in the head. He stood tall, hands on his hips, glaring down at the thief.

"You're the lowest of the low!" Why don't you get a job? Or if that's not good enough for you, you can donate your body to SCIENCE!" The mad scientist's fist clenched, "At least then you'd be doing some good for someone out there!" He punched the air in front of him, "If that's not an option then go rot in a field and fertilize the earth, decomposing matter is great for nature! There's absolutely no excuse for being useless to society!" Said the wanted criminal.

"Does the Doctor know what he's saying?" Nove wondered out loud.

"The thing is, I'm pretty sure he does," Cinque sighed rubbing his forehead.

Jail bent down, yanking the purse from the thief's hands, "get out of here you lowlife." His golden eyes stared into the thief's, "Don't let me see your face again."

The thief whimpered, when he wanted to be, Jail could be downright scary. Then the thief stood up and ran without looking back.

"Oh thank you so much."

Jail's scary face of rage melted into one of pure, gooey bliss. He smiled, genuinely smiled. "Ah no no it was nothing. I just happened to be near by."

"So he was following her too?" Cinque was starting to get a headache.

He handed her the purse. Their fingers brushed as it passed from him to her, he looked like he was about to pass out. There was a pause as they both held the little black bag. Had this been taking place in one of the books Jail had been reading the scene would have been accompanied by roses in the background and many, many sparkles.

"This is your chance sir!" Wendi shouted to him.

"Quick! While she thinks you're cool!" Sein shouted from beside her. "Ask her out ask her out!"

Jail opened his mouth to speak but he didn't get the chance.

"You- you're..." there was a long pause.

The whole group froze. What was she going to say? You're the man from my dreams? You're my one true love? You're really quite a creep get away from me right now?

"Mr. Pralastiper."

The five girls sighed in sequence.

"Ah ha, you remember that," Jail looked, shockingly, flushed. He looked down, staring at her feet. And so ended the tale of Jail Scaglietti's innocent, pure first love lo-

"Ah he he he he he," then a giggle broke the narration.

They all looked at her in astonishment. Huh?

"That was so cute," Maria squealed. "Um..." she scratched her cheek, "I can't tonight but could I... maybe..."

Jail hung on to her every word.

"Takeyououttodinnertomorrow? As thanks of course!"

THUD!

"H-Ha? A-Are you okay?"

"Doctor!"

"The world, I think it's spinning." Jail lay sprawled onto the ground, where he'd collapsed in shock. He was too dizzy to notice Maria's arm was around him, holding him up.

"So... what do you say Mr. um..."

"Jail," that smile came back, the one that was entirely new to his face, "It's Jail."

"I'm Maria." She stood up, offering him her hand.

"I kno- I mean, it's a pleasure." He took it, getting back to his feet and not letting go of her hand.

"Um..." she fidgeted. "Your answer...?"

"Huh. Ah. YES! It's yes! A hundred times yes!" Jail answered eagerly.

"Mr. Jail..."

"Yes?"

"Um... your hurting my hand."

* * *

A/N: If you enough cliches in one scene it becomes original. It's true they did a study on it in Harvard.

No I'm sorry that was a lie.

I'm far too fond of Jail now, it can't be safe.

Anyhoo Read and Review please, it isn't hard I just wantto know what you think, or if you laughed, actually the latters more important to me then the former.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I don't own MGLN~~~~ Sorry to disappoint~

* * *

**Someone for Everyone?**

**Chapter 3**

**" Sounding Like You Know What You're Talking About is Half the Battle"**

**Or**

**"In Which Tre Attempts to Depress the Readers"  
**

**Or**

**"In Which the Story Fails to Progress"**

"What you absolutely, positively have to remember is, a woman's heart is fragile."

The meeting room had been intended to be important places of strategic discussion. The long table was designed to just cozily fit all of the Numbers, the Doctor, Zest and Lutecia. The table had seen speech after speech on the importance of their duty, on the extent of Jail's obsession, on what lunch would be. However, it had never seen quite a... unique lecture.

Sein stood at the front with a giant pad of paper. The rest of Numbers I-XII (with II missing for obvious reasons, pertaining to her super important mission) sat around the table some watching curiously, some paying not the least bit of attention. Jail sat at the very front with his own pad, taking rigorous notes in addition to recording the lecture via the tape recorder by his side..

The 6th number flipped back a sheet of paper, it read: Woman=Flower. "Women are delicate flowers!" She smacked the piece of paper, "You can be rough and pluck them out of the ground and enjoy them only for a little while. Or you can be gentle and water them and give them tender, loving care and enjoy for a long while."

Jail scribbled notes down, 'do not pluck women. Women like water.' Then he paused and posed a question, "Hmm... What does... 'Plucking' entail?"

"Worldly" Sein rubbed her chin, "Well you know should she _invite _you back to her place-"

Jail cut her off, an innocently confused look playing across his features "What would I want to do at her place?"

Sein grinned like an old pervy grandpa, "If she offers you some 'coffee' you're all good sir."

The scientist thought about this seriously. Then, he raised his hand up, "Would I offend her if I said I preferred tea?"

"Aha I don't think you get it sir..." Sein was torn between laughing and forcing Jail to spend more time in the real world. She shook it off, "Never mind let's go onto the date itself. When are you picking her up?"

"We're meeting there."

Sein's eye twitched but then she regained her composure, "Okay fine, so you meet there. You should present her with flowers-"

"Bogonias are her favorite," Dieci added in.

"-and then make sure to hold the door open for her."

Jail raised an objection, "But doesn't Maria know how to open doors?" It was only common sense, Maria seemed like the kind of girl who could open a door at the very least.

Sein's palm met her face, "Yes sir, but it's common courtesy to open it _for _her."

"Won't she think I'm belittling her? Like I don't even think she can manage holding open a door?"

Sein groaned, "You know what, I'll just," she shook her head, he meant well but the Doctor could just be so DENSE, "show you." Sein scanned the room, "Nove, Wendi come up here."

"W-wait! Why us?" Nove protested as Wendi grabbed her arm and tugged.

"Because you two've already gotten to first base."

"There are bases?" Jail was confused enough with this dating thing without there being bases too. He scribbled down 'bases'. "Should I bring a bat?"

"Just ignore them," Dieci sighed behind her Deed and Otto nodded in agreement.

"Now the once you're inside-" Sein dragged a table and chairs out from behind her pad of paper, "-the real judging begins. Everything you do at dinner will influence your chances of a second date." Sein forced Nove and Wendi into the seats. "Observe." Sein motioned to the two girls.

"Wendi is you, see how she's looking off to the side and not directly at her date at all times," Sein tsk tsked, "This sends the message 'I don't think you're as hot as the girl over there' and will not lead to date two."

She forced Wendi to face Nove, "Now she's sending the message, 'Hey baby, you're the only girl for me.' This will likely lead to date two."

"S-sein having Wendi stare at me is really creepy," Nove shivered and tried to avoid Wendi's eerie forced stare.

"Shush Nove, who's the love guru here?" Sein smacked the piece of paper. "Part two, dinner conversation." She flipped the paper. The new sheet read Acceptable Topics/Unacceptable Topics, "Nove! Wendi! Demonstrate."

"Hah?" They both stared at Sein with open mouths.

"Chit chat!"

"Um... so..." Nove fumbled around, "Nice weather that we're having lately?"

"WRONG!" SMACK! Sein dramatically slammed to the Unacceptable Topics column where the word 'Weather' was written.

"No one wants to hear about the weather, it's _boring_. Try again."

Wendi tried this time, "So umm I heard about this new-"

"INCORRECT!" WHACK! She pointed to the Unacceptable Topics again, "Don't talk about yourself you narcissistic girl."

Nove and Wendi shivered, "Sein-nee, you're cruel."

Sein sighed, "Fine no demonstration. Obviously none of you have any real _experience_." She turned to Jail, "Listen Doctor there are topic do's and don'ts. For instance, don't talk about world domination, do talk about how much you love the TSAB."

"But I don't love the TSAB," Jail pointed out the obvious. It wasn't good to lie... at least he thought it wasn't, didn't girls appreciate honesty?

"But she doesn't have to know that, lying is the basis of all relationships."

Well Sein was a girl, at least Jail designed her to be, so she would know best....

"No, no doctor, don't listen to her," Dieci warned.

"Here are some more, do talk about love, justice, that new Magical Girl series on TV, puppies, kittens and her. Don't talk about hate, doomsday devices, books, cyborgs, science and yourself. Follow that and you'll be set."

Jail copied down the list warily. "Okay but I'm not sure I'll have much to say about that tv show, it makes me feel like a pedophile..."

Dieci sighed, "I'm telling you don't listen to her."

Sein flipped the paper again, this time it read 'things too look out for', "Look out for the signs your date isn't going well. For instance if she says she has to go to the bathroom that's really the international signal for 'I find the toilet more interesting then you'."

"But Sein-nee what if she just has to go to the bathroom," Nove raised her hand, posing a valid question.

"Pssssh girls have better bladder control then that."

Other things to look out for on the list included, "she remembers she has to 'walk the dog' or 'feed the cat' and "she has to go 'save the world' because she's really a 'super hero'. She's not, the spandex is there just to get rid of you".

Sein moved on to the final step. "Now the exit is almost as important as the entrance." Sein nodded sagely, "You should get up first." She nodded to Nove and Wendi to demonstrate.

Alas, the two of them getting scolded to hell and back had caused them to forget who was playing Jail. As a result they _both_ stood up. Nove stood up a great deal faster and with more force than Wendi (she was in quite the hurry). As she stood the table was thrust forward and into Wendi, making the cyborg lose balance and start to fall forward.

Now, Nove still cared about Wendi no matter what she said, so she reached out for her trying to catch Wendi before Wendi hit the table.

Well, at least she caught Wendi... though her hands were in a rather... awkward position, though at least it was soft.

Nove turned red. Wendi turned redder. Jail looked confused.

"Am I supposed to do that too?"

Sein coughed into her hand, "Congratulations you two, you've just gotten to second base."

* * *

"Heh, they're having fun aren't they?" Cinque poured Tre a cup of tea as she watched the playful younger Numbers. "I almost wish I could join in, don't you, Tre?"

"Not particularly," she sipped her tea. Tre's eyes flickered between the younger numbers and Uno, Quattro, and Sette. Uno seemed to be enjoying the show, and Sette showed her usual disinterest. Quattro, however, looked nothing short of disgusted, her mask having fallen when she thought no one was watching. "This game of the doctor's will end soon and life will return to as it was."

Cinque cocked an eyebrow, "You don't think it could end happily ever after for him?"

"I do not. It cannot. Even if he were to somehow truly fall in love with that girl, and she to fall in love with him despite his everything, there would still be the issue of the high council and the Doctor's status as an intergalactic criminal," Tre spoke strongly but softly so the others could not hear her.

"How depressing." Cinque laughed, "But even if there is no hope. Even if there is no chance, humans show amazing tenacity and display an inability to give up."

"Then, it is a pity that the Doctor is not human."

Cinque fell silent, watching Tre's face.

"Try as a leopard might to change his spots he'll still find those spots are embroidered to his soul. The Doctor can try and try but the best he'll ever pull off is a mask of humanity. They're nothing but children playing pretend," Tre sighed, "but I take back my previous statement. I _do_ envy them. I cannot even pretend."

Cinque sighed and lightly punched Tre on the shoulder. "Cheer up, you're depressing me."

"H-Hah?" Tre couldn't keep surprise from over coming her.

"Even if it's only pretend, even if the dream will end, is it so bad to enjoy it while it lasts? Stop thinking deeply for a moment and relax. You're always telling Sette to act more human, perhaps you should take your own advice." Honestly, Tre was such a Debby Downer. Couldn't she just take a happy moment at face value without over analyzing it into a deep hole of despair?

"I will try," a tiny smile crept up Tre's features. "But in the meantime," she held out her cup, "could I have more tea?"

"But of course." And Cinque would put some anti-depressants in it while she was at it, or maybe just some caffeine pills.

* * *

Uno had always cut Jail's hair. At first it had been an act of convenience. She had been the only one around who could do it for the longest time. But over time it had evolved into a matter of comfort. Jail liked knowing Uno would always be there to cut his hair, in the insanity of his plans, in the chaos of things he could not and did not control it was nice to know that at least his hair would be cleanly cut.

With Uno snip snipping away at his mangy purple locks he could relax. He could hand all his control, or lack thereof, off to Uno. More so then anything else, this was one thing he knew was going to be okay. "Thank you, Uno."

Uno paused in her cutting to look confused, "For what?"

Jail chuckled softly, not maniacal laughed, just a light happy chuckle. "Nothing nothing."

She finished up her work with a confused but happy smile. "There you go Doctor."

Jail ran a hand through his neatened hair, much better. "It's wonderfu-"

"DOCTOR~~3" The doors were thrown aside, Sein and company stood there, arms full of clothes. "It's time to pick out your outfit for tonight~"

"What's wrong with my everyday clothes?" Jail blinked in confusion. He _liked_ his mad scientist ensemble.

They all exchanged looks and sighed.

"Looks like we still have a lot of work to do."

In the end Jail was forced into an outfit the girls called "stylish" but he called uncomfortable. Still he trusted their judgment, even when they'd tied back his long hair into a short, stubby ponytail.

"Well girls it looks like we've done it," Sein looked proudly upon their achievement.

They'd made it just in time, he had less than an hour until his date but he was completely prepared now. Well kind of. He'd had all the preparation possible but that didn't change the fact that his heart was going out of control. Or the fact that he was starting to sweat causing Wendi to desperately wipe him down with paper towels to keep his "hotness from washing away".

Cinque looked on with a pleasant expression, "She'll fall for you right away sir."

Jail's face lit up, "You really think so?" He looked like a puppy, eagerly awaiting praise. He sucked in a deep breath. "You're right, I'm Jail Scaglietti. This. This is nothing." He grinned. "I can do this!" He headed right for the door.

"W-Wait you forgot the flowers!" Nove chased after him, with a large bouquet.

"Ack! And your cheat sheet of acceptable topics!" Sein dashed right behind.

"Doctor what about your car keys!" Wendi brought up the rear.

Cinque watched with an amused smile, it was going to be alright. It _had_ to be. If she kept repeating it enough it would become the truth, skeptic Tre be damned.

* * *

A/N: "Well I'll tell you what I want what I really want! I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna what I really really want is for you to review~"

*cough* And in other news though it's mostly just gag after gag I find this a fun part. After all the ball has to start from someplace before it can roll down hill.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry For the very long break.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**"Silence is Indicative of Further Complications"  
**

**"In Which The Readers Wonder What the Author Has Been Doing For Months"  
**

**"In Which Much Begins But Barely Anything is Concluded"  
**

Jail felt many things. Mostly shades of greed. Ambition, desire, a need to own every episode of "As the Lyrical Turns" on DVD. He felt the basics, happy when his plans succeeded, sad when they fell through. Right now, however, he felt none of his familiar emotions, instead his stomach felt like Wendi was doing somersaults throughout it. There was a name for this feeling. Jail was nervous.

He was also making everyone within a five foot radius nervous. The seating hostess wasn't sure what she was supposed to do about the tall suspicious man standing outside the door, looking up and down from his watch five times a minute.

The bouquet in Jail's hand was completely crumpled around the middle, a result of the death grip he had on it. His clenched shook, threatening to send the flowers flying. Where was she? No, she wasn't late, rather... Jail was ten minutes early. Not a good thing for his nerves.

"Mr. Pralastiper you're here already?"

How lucky, she was the early type too.

"Ah! Maria!" Jail's face erupted into his goofy smile. "I didn't think you'd get here so early."

She chuckled a little embarrassedly, "I thought you wouldn't be here yet so I came early rid of my nerves..."

There was a pause in the conversation where both parties blushed and focused on the ground. If only Fate could see the terrifying criminal she'd spent years chasing now.

"Ah right! These are for you," Jail forced the begonias forward and into Maria's hand.

"Begonias! My favorite," she bent down to sniff them then started giggling. "Though you know," She looked up at him through the flowers, "In the language of flowers Begonias mean 'beware'. Are you trying to tell me something?

There's a language of flowers?!? Why hadn't anyone _Jail_ that? "What? Of course not! There's nothing dangerous about me, nothing at all, absolutely not nothing close I've certainly never plotted to take over the world or anything like that. No way, no how, not me. Ah ha ha ha ha ha."

Had Jail's brain worked better he would have come back with a line like, 'Oh? Well since begonias are your favorite do you like a little danger?' or 'Well I suppose you better be _wary_ of my good looks." Then again if he had said one of those things she would have left him right then and there for sounding so stupid.

"You're so silly Mr. Jail," she began to shake with her own laughter, "you're way too nice to ever do anything evil like that."

"Right, that's me, Mr. Nice Guy," he joined her with an odd sort of forced laughter but he couldn't stop the voice in the back of his head from telling him "what a load of crap."

She headed to the door. "Well since we're both here we might as well go in."

Ah. This was it, what Sein had talked about. The entrance. He was supposed to open the door? Or was he not supposed to? He couldn't remember. She was approaching the door, it was now or never did he go for it or not?

"Allow me madam."

It didn't matter, the restaurant had an official door opener by the door.

Was this a good or bad start to the date?

* * *

"Oh doctor."

Across the street from the roof of the opposite building a person was lying on the rooftop watching, through a pair of binoculars, the scene unfurling.

"Oh stupid, stupid doctor," Quattro sighed, kicked the ground. "If you wanted love you could have just _told_ me." The bespectacled number tossed the binoculars to the side. She sighed dramatically.

It was no secret that Quattro harbored love for the Doctor (he was her second favorite person, right after Due, pity Due was always off doing things and forgetting Quattro existed). But more then her unrequited love, (which she'd just program out of herself when it got annoying) the problem was the Doctor's blatant disregard for his mission.

The Doctor Quattro loved was insane, greedy and cackled at the pain and misery of others. This new guy was soft and kind, he didn't deserve to bear the same name. So Quattro was going to fix the problem.

She reached into her jacket, taking out the tiniest of bombs, one of the Doctor's own creations. It seemed she was going to have to kill the hypotenuse to get the old doctor back.

* * *

It was a quiet evening. That was always a good thing. With 12 teenageish girls living under a single roof quiet was rare indeed. But here it was. A night where Cinque could calmly lie on the couch and read her book, 'Your Eyepatch and You: 10,000 Ways to Look Badass With a Only One Eye'.

"SEIN!"

And like that the peace darted out of the room like a cat in a water park.

Sein backed into the room, hands raised to defend herself, "I was just trying to help out."

She was being pushed back by Wendi and Nove, both with faces as red as their hair and fists raised. Wendi was the one who spoke as Nove looked too taken aback to manage to form words, "I appreciate the sentiments but what are you trying to do by putting rose petals all over our beds and lighting candles everywhere!"

"I'm just trying to facilitate the rounding of the bases!" Sein ducked a right hook from Wendi. "You two obviously aren't going to get there without my help."

Cinque chuckled and flipped a page in her book, the younger sisters were so lively.

"Ahem." A cough stopped the potential murder of Sein.

They all turned to find Dieci standing in the door way flanked by Otto and Deed. A taciturn trio.

Dieci started talking, "We've checked all the rooms, Quattro isn't here."

"When did you three become friends?" Wendi pointed to the trio with suspicion. She completely ignored, or simply didn't care about, what Dieci had said.

"We have similar hobbies but will you please pay attention to what I'm saying."

"Similar hobbies? Like what?" Sein, relieved that Wendi had forgotten to keep strangling her, continued the line of questioning.

"Will you please keep on topic Sein?" Deed spoke up from behind Dieci.

Sein acted hurt, "oww so informal with your own big sister..."

Cinque put her book to the side, "Even if Quattro isn't here, that doesn't mean anything's wrong."

"Glasses-nee is harmless," Wendi insisted, "Just a little nuts."

Dieci frowned, "I can't believe that. She might smile on the outside but I know Quattro-nee. She was upset."

The other sisters exchanged looks.

Otto spoke up, "We think she has gone to ruin the Doctor's date."

Cinque furrowed her brow, deep in thought, "If that's the case then we have no choice."

Nove ran a hand through her short red locks, "It can't be helped I guess..."

"It might not be the case but it can't hurt to check it out now can it?" Cinque smiled at her younger sisters.

The tactiturn trio looked at each other with something like happy expressions and nodded.

Wendi grinned. She pointed to the ceiling and declared, "Team Scaglietti's Love Protectors! MOVE OUT!"

* * *

A/N: Well here's to the start of rapid catching up.


End file.
